Where does Surrender to the Masculine become co-dependent?
Many women, when entering the field of polarity & masculine & feminine dynamics, re-discover their longing to – at times - surrender to the masculine lead in relationships.
To be claimed & lead, to trust & be held.
After living in the feminist ‘I-can-do-it-all-by-myself’ hyper-independent dynamics for many years, even just acknowledging we don’t want to make all the decisions & that deep down we long to be ravished, can be extremely soothing. Like an ancient supressed desire that’s finally being un-shamed, accepted & seen.
When I first learned about feminine surrender, I made some BIG mistakes.One was that I surrendered to a man who hadn’t proven to be safe yet. I trusted someone who hadn’t earned that trust yet & found myself in a toxic situation. By opening too quickly, I lost my own ‘inner Shiva’ (my inner masculine). I had to then cut that off & step back into my own masculine.
Another was that I was surrendering with a ‘hook’. I was gifting something (my feminine surrender), somewhat expecting a polarized reaction is return (him leading/claiming). Of course, this is not gifting; it’s a subtle form of demand.
What did I take from these experiences?
Nr 1: Surrender only when it feels safe. Trust takes time.
Nr 2: Surrendering does NOT mean losing your own inner masculine. You still hold the responsibility to tend to your inner Shiva & Shakti gardens. You are already whole. Be full in your own masculine/feminine before sharing yourself.
Nr 3: Let go of the agenda. Surrendering while attaching to what you will ignite in the other makes you no longer magnetic.
There is a huge difference between opening from longing & opening from neediness. Once you let go of the effect it may have, you are allowing Love to lead.
These little missteps are sometimes a part of understanding the path of polarity in a purer & cleaner way.
The main thing is this; polarity work is not about GETTING something, it’s about what you’re GIFTING. It’s about the love you are BEING.
It takes turning an attitude of EXPECTATION into GENEROSITY.
The path of polarity is not about secretly manipulating the energy of your relationship, by offering something with a ‘hook’.
Its intention should always be to LIBERATE LOVE.
And that, my friends, is the real work.