Intimacy first, polarity second
Doing polarity work without a solid intimate connection is like putting tomato sauce on a pizza without base
Doing polarity work without having a natural magnetic attraction from the beginning is like putting toppings on a pizza without a base
It doesn’t work
Yes, polarity work is exciting! & sexy! & perhaps the way to spice up a relationship! It can be. But oftentimes what’s needed is solidifying the foundations, not so much the juicy work. Polarity work without safety is funest for our sensitive little nervous systems. We require belonging to expand our wild, soft, sexy horizon. We become ourselves when we feel safe. The heart (& womb) need to be involved to find our sultry edges in a space of love.
Sometimes we have to let go of masculine/feminine dynamics or polarity work for a moment - & get back to the root.
There’re moments polarity teachings serve us & there are times when they’re actually in our way. They can turn into a protection mechanism that hides the shadow & creates more dissonance than closeness.
The base of a relationship is a solid emotional connection where both partners speak their truth & don’t make each other wrong for it. One where you’re invested in & curious about each other’s inner worlds & support one another to become more of themselves. One where you’re bare, naked, where the heart is wide open & the fears & longings are on the table. One where saying sorry is easy and taking full accountability for your actions & responsibility for your emotions are evident. One where generosity & devotion wins over punishing the other by withholding your love. One where you allow yourself the gift of being truly Seen.
From that intimate space, you get to build. Create. Spice things up!
Yet, the ground has to be solid. The intimacy. (Literally: less space between us.)
Intimacy says: ‘I love you, your greatness & the bits you feel least lovable. I’ll receive you wholly, not partly - thus there can be actual surrender. No hidden agenda, not playing games, genuine intention. I’m here.’
If there’s a natural magnetism (attraction), you’ll be able to turn up the volume of that magnetism through polarity work, no matter how long you’re together. If you have little attraction to begin with, that’ll be tricky.
Either way, it starts with the base. (Pizza base if you will!) The earth to plant the seeds in. Two open, raw, human hearts, soul to soul, eye to eye, holding nothing back, in the name of love.